


The Slime and the Sea

by TeamTired



Series: The 120 Pairing Challenge [24]
Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Abandonment, Drowning, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, F/M, Learning to Swim, Loneliness, Neglect, Sopor Slime, Starvation, Swimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-06
Updated: 2012-08-06
Packaged: 2017-11-11 13:27:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/479026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamTired/pseuds/TeamTired
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gamzee's lusus starts to leave unannounced, which drives Gamzee to slime use, partly to just dull the pain of not having anything to eat. After almost drowning, Gamzee comes face to face with his rescuer and new teacher, the lovely Feferi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Slime and the Sea

Gamzee was a little over 4 sweeps old when Goatdad left for the first time. He didn’t even notice he was gone until it was dinner time and there was nothing to eat. He was so used to Goatdad bringing home something to eat, even if it wasn’t much, that he didn’t even know what to do. After sitting alone on the shore for hours, screaming himself hoarse, Gamzee just decided to curl up in one of the nooks of his hive. When the gnawing pain in his stomach became too much to take, the slime in his recuperacoon looked tastier and tastier. His mind numbed with hunger, he finally helped himself to a handful of slime. It didn’t good, in fact even the smell made him sick, but he managed to choke it down. A few minutes later, a strange feeling hit him. His stomach churned, and his brain began to slow down. One by one his senses dulled, and the universe became a little smaller and a lot more interesting. Soon, the pain he felt was gone, and while the hunger remained, he didn’t care anymore. 

Goatdad returned the next day, bleating as always, and with nothing for Gamzee to eat. It was only a few hours later after leaving again that he finally brought home some edible seaplants and some small fish, which were enough to keep Gamzee satisfied. 

From then on, Goatdad started disappearing more often, as if Gamzee’s survival after one day of being gone had given him permission to leave as often as he liked. The longer he was gone, the longer Gamzee would go without a proper meal. Sometimes Gamzee would entertain the thought of going to another troll’s hive, or finding another lusus somehow, but every time he came back to the same result: admitting he needed help would mean culling, and even at a young age Gamzee knew well enough that culling was something that needed to be avoided at all costs. 

So he returned to the slime, every single time, if only out of habit. It made him feel sick inside, both in his stomach and in his brain, and the haziness made him feel as if he was slipping away, as if he was losing what was him. One time, after Goatdad didn’t come home for two whole days and Gamzee had eaten nothing but slime, he could have sworn that it felt like his body was falling apart, as if the slime was rusting him from the inside. 

Gamzee never resented Goatdad. He knew he could never understand what Goatdad was doing on those long trips away, and it wasn’t his place to ask. He was a growing troll, and he knew that sometimes a lusus needed to be taken care of just as much as a troll, and maybe that meant not asking Goatdad where he went, and just being glad when he came back. 

As Gamzee became used to the sickening sensation of the slime dripping through his veins and clogging up his thinkpan, he began to take more, just to get the same buzz. With more slime came more confidence to move about while under its effects. Soon he began to see the little miracles in everything, which drove him to explore the whole world around him. At first he would only move a few feet from his house, content with the magic of the growing grass and the outside of his hive, but eventually that wasn’t enough. Next came the sands be the shore of his home, and then the feeling of the waves between his toes. Everything was different under the haze of the slime, and the slime demanded that he see everything again. 

It took him a full sweep to make it all the way to the sea itself. Sometimes it would be a whole pedigree before Goatdad would leave again, and if he went too long without the slime, it wouldn’t insist so much when it finally got a chance to live inside him again. 

When he finally got into the ocean, the feeling of the water almost totally overwhelmed him. The smell of the salt and the surging of the waves assaulting him, turning every second into a living miracle. He swam out deeper, and the feelings only intensified, until his head dipped under the water. 

It was at that moment that the single voice of reason left inside Gamzee’s compromised thinkpan screamed out the obvious: Gamzee could not breath underwater, and perhaps more importantly, did not know how to swim. He held his breath for as long as he could, but as he thrashed helplessly, he only sank deeper, as if the slime was weighing him down. 

As he lost consciousness, the slime kept him dull and subdued, while the last remaining voice in his mind only screamed. 

When he gained consciousness, he was choking out swallowed sea water, and was completely soaked. He wasn’t sure why he was still alive, but all that mattered was he lived to see another day. When Goatdad came home later that day, he was still dripping wet, but Goatdad didn’t even notice. 

That incident didn’t stop him from sliming again. As dangerous as the prospect of drowning was, staying away from slime didn’t stop the pain that felt like it was going to rip his stomach apart, or the loneliness that had started to drive him mad. Living on the slime wasn’t safe, and he wasn’t who he wanted to be when he was sliming, but those precious moments of wonder and joy were the only things that he lived for anymore. Many days he would wish Goatdad wouldn’t return, if only so he could give himself an excuse to use again. 

The next few usages after he almost drowned came and went without incident. He never went into the water over his head, and the ocean was calm enough that he didn’t drift too far away. Those few usages were enough to convince him that using was harmless, and that the one incident was a mistake that would never happen again. And while the lying was enough to keep him using, it wasn’t enough to keep him safe.

When his time finally came, he had drank so much slime that he barely cared what was happening him. The ocean welcomed him like a brother, its warm salty embrace tugging him into its mysterious depths. When he tried to let out a gasp of “MoThErFuCkIn mIrAcLeS”, all that came out was a stream of bubbles, which delighted him to no end. 

As the last shred of common sense protested, the rest of him ignored the voice. Everything was far too chill to stop now. 

Finally, his consciousness gave way to the water, and he opened his mouth to let in a gush of water. It was then that he felt arms around him, and a force propelling him to the surface. He fought the arms’ iron grip, more afraid of them than he was of the water. He no longer wanted to live, the miracle of the water was enough. 

But his flailing didn’t stop the troll who had rescued him. When Gamzee finally came to, he felt a great pressure on his chest, and then her lips on his, which were breathing in a gasp of fresh air that tasted more beautiful than anything he had ever tasted before. As he threw up the sea water and slowly sat up, he felt her arms around him again, gripping him in reassurance. After she checked him to make sure he was conscious and safe, she forced something small and chewy into his mouth. It was the most delicious thing he had ever felt. As the slime faded, he felt only hungrier, but his savior was happy to feed him, leaving only for a few seconds to catch him something else to eat from the ocean that had moments ago tried to end him. 

She introduced herself as Feferi; it was a name that was exotic and beautiful as she was. When she told him that she was the heir apparent, the soon to be empress, he became terribly afraid. He had demonstrated total incompetence. Was she here to cull him?

Since he figured she would do her job regardless of what he asked, he asked her just that, and was surprised at her response.

“Of COURS---E I’m going to cull you!

Or I guess I already ) (ave!

You sea, I t) (ink that culling s) (ould mean ) (elping trolls that need it!

And for you t) (at meant saving you! And I guess teac) (ing you ) (ow to swim and catc) ( food.

) (ow does t) (at sound?”

It sounded wonderful to Gamzee. He hadn’t managed to make many friends, and then a beautiful troll princess had washed up by his hive, saved him, and now was offering to help him! If it all didn’t feel so real he would have sworn it was a slime dream. 

He stayed off the slime as long as she was with him, partially because she helped him get enough to eat and showed him how to fish, which kept his belly full, and partially because he loved spending time with her so much he didn’t want to miss a thing. Every night as the sun was just foating into the sky, Gamzee would tuck himself into his recuperacoon and Feferi would swim home, but she would always be there again, just as he awoke. After two days of recovering, Feferi finally decided it was time to swim. Since Goatdad still hadn’t returned and Gamzee didn’t want to disappoint her, he agreed, even though he was afraid. 

As he waded into the water, holding her hand, the water felt comfortable and safe. The two drifted out farther, and she showed him how to kick with his feet and reach with his arms to move around in the water. It took some getting used to, but with his mind sharp and her hand in his, he felt confident enough to try and succeed. Near the end of the lesson, Feferi let go of his hand in a shallow part of the ocean. He was able to tread water, and felt better about himself than he had in weeks. 

Just before she left that night, the two sat on the shore, eating some cooked fish over a fire that Feferi had shown him how to make. Gamzee felt warm, and not just on the outside. He reached his hand over to near her, and was almost surprised when she took it in hers. Though his cheeks blushed deep purple, he was sure she didn’t notice, or at least didn’t catch on. When she left that night, he was afraid she would never return, and when he awoke and Goatdad had returned, he was even more sure that she had drifted out of his life for good. Was it possible she was only sticking around out of pity, and would be gone the second he had a lusus to take care of him?

But to his surprise, she came back. After more swimming exercised, she showed Gamzee how to swim safely in the deeper parts of the ocean, what to do when he got tired in the water, and how to hold his breath so he could even look around underneath the waves. When he was scared or unsure if he could do what she had asked of him, he just held her hand tighter, and it gave him the courage to go on. 

When their final lesson ended, Feferi and Gamzee floated in the shallows, still holding each other’s hands, even though Gamzee didn’t need her help any more. Though they danced around the issue, it was clear that Feferi had somewhere to be. As she prepared herself to leave for the last time, she told him the truth. She explained that she was needed at home, to feed her own lusus, who needed her desperately to stay fed and happy. When she told him that, it was her that squeezed his hand, and he knew no response but to squeeze back. What she did next surprised Gamzee. She pulled him close and kissed him on the cheek. As she drew back, seeing no response, she tried again, this time kissing him right on the lips. And though the two sets of lips were the same ones that had touched just a few days before, this kiss was something totally different. It held regrets and shared history and a message between the two of them that Gamzee knew he would never forget. 

As she drifted away, Gamzee hurt more than he ever had before. The best troll he had ever known and the best thing that had ever happened to him was drifting away, and nothing could be done. When he returned to his hive, he just curled up in his recuperacoon and cried himself to sleep. 

It took an entire pedigree before he started using again, and when he did it wasn’t to stem the hunger. Instead, the pain that he was silencing was purely emotional pain. The loneliness didn’t retreat when he slimed, but at least it was masked for a while. 

Other trolls would come and go from his life, and over time the slime would eat away at the memories he had of her and him, until all that was left was what she taught him. 

But she could remember for the both of them.


End file.
